


Ain’t drunk enough for that talk

by elletromil



Series: Ain't drunk [2]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Aro!Roxy, Aromantic, F/M, Ficlet, Gen, Getting Together, Merlin-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6888703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he became head of the handler branch as well as the R&D, since neither department wanted to lose him, Merlin had been aware he was putting a cross on having any romantic relationship. It had already been hard enough to maintain one when he had simply been a handler, he could imagine perfectly well the grievances any potential partner of his would have with his new responsibilities. And that was without considering the fact that he would have to be attracted to someone in Kingsman’s employ in the first place so that the secrecy wouldn’t kill the possible relationship before it could become anything serious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ain’t drunk enough for that talk

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this a while ago and was sure I had posted it on ao3, but I was obviously wrong about it, so here it is!
> 
> This is a Merlin-centric companion piece for the Aro!Roxy ficlet I have written a few months back and one day I'll get around to writing the last part of this series.
> 
> I said it in the last, but I do identify, when I bother to do it, as aromantic myself. Does this reflect everyone's experiences? Pretty sure it doesn't but that has not stop me writing before and it won't now.

When he became head of the handler branch as well as the R&D, since neither department wanted to lose him, Merlin had been aware he was putting a cross on having any romantic relationship. It had already been hard enough to maintain one when he had simply been a handler, he could imagine perfectly well the grievances any potential partner of his would have with his new responsibilities. And that was without considering the fact that he would have to be attracted to someone in Kingsman’s employ in the first place so that the secrecy wouldn’t kill the possible relationship before it could become anything serious.

No, it was better not to think of it anymore. Saving the world meant many sacrifices by different people.

This was his sacrifice.

***

“You should talk to her,” Harry tells him before taking the bottle of scotch from his hands to have a gulp of his own. Merlin had briefly entertained the idea that they would get drunk far less often now that Harry had become Arthur, but of course that had been before Eggsy and Roxy had left for their first mission. No matter how capable they both are, spy work is dangerous work and what makes Merlin and Harry so good in their role is that they still worry even after all these years. Which meant that both men continue to get drunk together on a somewhat regular basis.

They wouldn’t dare touch any drop of alcohol while any agents are conducting a sensitive assignment that might suddenly demand their immediate attention, but there are only agents out on low priority missions right now and neither of the usual troublemakers are in any position to cause much of it. Bors is still recovering in the medical wing, Percival is at home and Lancelot is keeping an eye on Galahad in the plane taking them home.

“Talk to her about what?” He’s usually good at following Harry’s thought process and while he knows he’s talking about Roxy, he doesn’t have the faintest idea why.

“About how your crush for her is getting a bit more than just a crush?”

It’s a good thing that Harry is still in possession of the bottle or else Merlin would probably have been drinking when he said that and choke on the scotch or spit it out, neither options ones Merlin particularly enjoys.

Instead, he’s looking at his friend, feeling a bit like a fish out of the water with how he’s just opening and closing his mouth until he can finds his voice again. Not that he is surprised that Harry knows about how enamored he is by the young woman, they’ve known each other too long for Harry to have missed that, but it’s the first time the man has encouraged him to pursue a relationship once Merlin made it clear he simply didn’t have the time. Even when the ladies interested in Merlin were past the point of simple infatuation, he’s always respected Merlin’s decision and let him deal with the situation in the way he thought best. In other words, ignore it until the ladies in question gave up.

He doesn’t know what prompted this change. Yes, he loves Roxy more than he’s ever loved anyone and he knows she has some affection for him, not to mention she would understand better than even a handler about responsibilities and sacrifices because of her status as a Knight but that’s not all there is to it.

Merlin is a busy man with a lot on his mind. He doesn’t shy away from his emotions, but he knows he’s not the best at showing them. Oh when he does, he’s good at it, if he is to take the word of his friends on it, but he cannot be as emotionally available as his partner would deserve. Even if that partner would be understanding and not hold it against him, as he’s sure Roxy would be, it wouldn’t stop him from feeling guilty and that’s not an emotion you want to carry when in a relationship.

However, before he’s able to formulate any of this out loud, Harry continues, his eyes warm and urging him to just listen for once. “I know it’s hard for you to trust Merlin, but for this, please, _trust me_. I think you should talk to her. But if you don’t know why I am saying, then wait and just… Observe or something. You’re good at that. You’ll understand soon enough.”

There are many things he could say or do in answer to do that, but he settles on sighing long-sufferingly and shoving, gently, Harry’s shoulder before grabbing the bottle back. “I am not drunk enough yet to listen to your shite Hart, give me a break.”

Harry snorts, the bloody git, but lets him have the bottle and leans a bit more against him, knowing that it was Merlin’s way of telling him he would at the very least consider what had been said.

***

After that discussion, if one can even call it that, Merlin observes.

At first, he really doesn’t understand what Harry wants him to notice. Roxy is your usual young woman who also happens to be a spy. She’s brilliant, helpful, funny and Merlin curses himself when he only falls deeper for her.

Then he curses Harry when he catch a moment between Roxy, Eggsy and his friend that can only be interpreted as one thing. The three of them are shagging.

He sees red for a moment, not because he’s jealous, because he’s got no right to be, but because why the fuck would Harry want him to know this? How the hell can Harry be okay with sharing Eggsy in this way, when he’s such a possessive bastard? He’s also furious at Eggsy for not understanding that what Harry and him have is precious and should stay private. Not that Merlin has anything against polyamorous relationship, to each his own, but he knows Harry and this is not something he could ever do. It’s one thing to accept that your partner has to go on honeypot missions, it’s something else to invite someone into your bed.

If only they seemed to love Roxy, or her them, but that’s doesn’t seem to be the case. It only seem as if Harry is not enough for Eggsy, but that’s a stupid notion since the boy only has eyes for him and Merlin is so confused as to how that situation came to be?

Then, when the anger abated, some wheels started turning in his mind and he started thinking about it from Roxy’s side instead of the two men. About what she gets out of this. The first obvious answer is sex, but there are many way to get it, without getting in the middle of a couple. Sex with trusted friends is something else of course and Merlin can understand the appeal of this, but he doesn’t understand why Roxy wouldn’t try to look for her own partner, because it’s not like she doesn’t have the choice, even if she were to only consider Kingsman’s employees.

Except of course if she isn’t looking for a relationship, but then why not simply take on a fuck buddy? Why look for the affection, if you only want to scratch an itch?

And if she was simply looking for a fuck buddy, Harry would never has said anything either.

So she clearly wants some kind of connection and affection, but not necessarily the relationship that coms with it all.

It’s a good thing he’s only working (pretending to work is more like it) on some kind of prototype and not watching over an agent’s mission because quite suddenly he’s banging his head on his work table.

Merlin has been called a genius several times in his life, but right now, he feels anything but.

***

He catches Harry’s eyes in the crowd, his friend smiling when he notices Merlin is dancing with Roxy and Merlin refrains from sticking his tongue out at him. Anyway, since Harry is already turning his attention back to the birthday boy, it’s not like he would have seen the action.

Instead he decides to focus on the young woman in his arms and gives into the impulse to kiss the back of her neck, teasing her with a hint of teeth when she only leans her weight against him instead of pushing him away.

There is a lot they should talk about and he’s sure she’ll also want to have one good discussion with him, but he hopes tonight he’ll get to simply take care of her and show her that it is okay for her to be selfish for once.


End file.
